A Sustainable Approach
My boyfriend Sam who is a sensuality life coach (www.livinginpassion.net) has recently coined the term sustainable relating. I love that. I consider it a worthwhile alternative to putting relationships on frozen and permanent settings. It points to a commitment to stay connected with the people in our lives when we might otherwise leave, if not physically, perhaps mentally or emotionally. It speaks to connection as a renewable resource, accessible even when feelings are hurt, when desires shift, when new needs appear, or when 2 people are open to discovering they may be better suited as friends than marriage partners for instance.
These days most of us are hip to the virtues of sustainability, thinking of the long-term, about the need for creative adaptation, of an enduring model that accounts for unpredictability, the unknown, and change. I’ve been thinking a lot about this in terms of our relationships with food, body, and wellness. Especially on the other side of a New Year, fret with resolutions and new intentions, I’ve been wondering, how do we connect with a sustainable plan for living in a healthy body?
I’m reminded of a practice I’ve done with participants in my workshops and most recently I did during a program on my visit to Kripalu. The practice is simply holding a pose. Any pose might do. Especially one that initially feels easy, but over time presents a genuine challenge to sustainability. I’ve done Goddess pose, Warrior, and even simply holding your arms straight up above your head. At first glance it’s not necessarily challenging, but then 1 minute goes by and another 30 seconds and it’s another story. Try it and you’ll notice your mind will start to go wild…”this hurts” or better yet, “this is going to hurt”. Or what about “you can’t handle this”, “it’s too much for you”, “you should just quit”, or “you can’t quit”, which really kicks our resistance into gear and all we can think about wanting to do is QUIT! “You can’t handle it” is a particular favorite of mine. What to do with this raucous in the brain?!
Our mind’s job is to protect (the status quo) and keep us safe (from change, potential disappointment). When it comes to personal growth, our mind ends up being less of a protector and more of a threat, that is, if we latch on to our thoughts and believe them. I love the Wayne Dyer quote, “Don’t believe everything you think!” So brilliant! If we don’t always listen there’s a chance we are capable of so much more than we give ourselves credit for. And we always have a choice to change course, but it’s such a different experience to do so as a powerful, intentional chosen action rather than re-action.
What if we treated our resolutions like we would the practice of holding a pose? What if we paused to hear the thoughts that tell us to quit without reactively listening to them? What if we re-directed our thoughts to support and empower the vision and commitment imbedded in our resolutions? For example, “I can’t do this” might become the recognition that “I can” or we might even slow down enough to see that “I am doing it”. And what if we re-chose every moment, every day? Sounds like something sustainable to me.
