To Create Change: Change your Thinking

This is a very favorite tool of ours at eliminating obstacles.  It takes the approach of being more clever than that which seems to stand in our way.  Here’s the way it goes:

1. Identify the obstacle
2. Feel how it lands
3. Pull out the facts
4. Identify and let go of the old story
5. Re-write the new way of thinking

Here’s how it looks:
Identify the obstacle
Here is an example from my own life: I would like to commit to not eating past 8pm each night. Olive (my daughter) does not go to be until after 8pm, and therefore I cannot have a relaxing dinner until after that.

Feel how it lands
For me, when I think of the above obstacle I feel like I do not have control over my schedule; I also feel deprived of the quiet meal I desire; I feel like I cannot create a change that I really want to make because of circumstances.

Pull out the facts
From the above obstacle, there are only 2 facts: Olive goes to bed at 8pm.   I want to create a commitment to end eating by or before 8pm.

Identify and let go of the old story (the “story” is some of the thought and beliefs that surround the facts.
Some of the “stories” I can see here:
That my time feels like it is not mine or in my control.  
That a relaxing dinner can only happen if Olive is asleep.
That dinner or food for that matter is intended to “relax me” (oh, this is an interesting one).

Re-write a new way of thinking.  If we can play with the idea that the story is different from the facts, and indeed not always factual then we can actually re-write the story.  Write a new story in place of the original obstacle that will actually support you in your goals.  There can be several new stories to choose from.  Make it a better story!

Here’s the story I have decided to adopt:
Food is pleasurable, but not a tool for relaxation.  I can relax and have quiet time after Olive goes to bed (and I can relax without food!).  Olive, and my husband and I can eat dinner together, before my 8pm eating curfew and enjoy that new experience of dinner together vs. two separate meals.  Maybe this will even be fun?   

If you want to try this for yourself identify an obstacle first.  To do this it can help to sit and write a few sentences about a particular struggle (make it specific).  See if you can find one statement that has a “story” in it.  And then go back to the top and take that statement through the steps.  

If you enjoyed this process, you will love Week 2 of the Workbook where we have lots of exercises on changing your thinking so that making shifts in your diet does not feel so hard!