Food Never Says...
Food is my best friend. Food is something I can always count on. Food never says no. When I used to go to overeater’s anonymous meetings I remember hearing comments like these all the time. And I still do, whenever I begin a group someone always refers to the way that food has been like a reliable friend, an anchor in their lives. Then, only when that anchor becomes too heavy, when we don’t want to be held down anymore, when we’re ready to start following our aliveness and live life to its fullest, do we begin to question the place we’ve put food in our lives.
Last night, I watched a thought like this enter my mind. I was disappointed when my boyfriend didn’t want to come to bed with me. It wasn’t personal. He had work he wanted to get work done, and from an objective place, there was not a problem, but from my narcissistic, I want what I want when I want it point of view, this was unacceptable. And then came the thought…”See, This is why I turn to food!”
It took me back to hear that thought. What was so unbearable about hearing no, not yet, not now? I’m looking forward to the time in my life that I won’t react like a 3 year old when life doesn’t “follow the script”, when you respond differently than the way I want you to. Meanwhile, I feel like I want to learn to tolerate and get to know myself better in those moments of disappointment when the no, not yet, not now shows up in my life. It’s a good question I believe to ask, where do we look to feel in control of what life will give us, and how, and when? Do we believe we will be taken care of? Do we know we have everything we need already?
