A Case of the "I Don't Wanna's"
“I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna!” Do you know that one? I bring it up because recently the “I don’t wanna’s” took over my brain! The need to write something for my blog this week especially seemed to awaken that sleeping dragon. Usually I find myself deeply troubled by this type of racket in my head. This time though I actually found it funny somehow; the utter stubbornness, the desperation of the plea. You know when a kid is making such a ridiculous, dramatic scene, it just turns funny! I literally burst into spontaneous laughter on the street earlier today as I witnessed my inner dialogue.
Me: Ok, Yiska you’ve got to write something.
Me: I don’t wanna!
Me: But it’s been really long.
Me: But I don’t wanna! I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna. I don’t wanna!
Sounding insane? Come on, I know you know it, especially in the battle with food and dieting. You think to yourself, I really need to exercise. It always makes me feel good…but I don’t wanna! You know you’ll feel a thousand times better if you cut back on sugar again…but I don’t wanna! Your body is begging you to stop eating cheese…but I don’t wanna!
I think the “I don’t wanna’s” tend to come out in full force especially in winter time. Sometimes they do bear the message; give yourself a break, kid! Other times it is simply the voice of resistance that has placed too much focus on what we DON’T wanna, and has forgotten how much we actually DO wanna! And that there’s lots of what we do want. For me, I really DO want to stay connected with this community and my work. The “I don’t wanna’s” drew attention away from that. As I brought my attention back into focus around my heart’s desire, writing this post actually became easy, inspired, and fun.
So, if you come down with a case of the “I don’t wanna’s” any time soon, or if you’re currently battling one, see if you can find the funny in it and laugh a bit. And bring your attention back to what you really DO want. I DO want to feel good in my body. Yoga is happening today! I DO want to feel the way it felt when I wasn’t eating so much sugar, no matter how many holiday parties, I WANT that sugar-free feeling! What better time, when the seeds are being planted for a new year, to re-connect with what you DO want. I also promise as soon as you take that one step toward what you do want, the “I don’t wanna’s” will go back to sleep and leave you alone. Ahh…Quiet again!
Taking it on...
Oh yes, I think you’re right we all know this battle all too well! I appreciate how you point out the evolution of your relationship to it. That’s been my experience too, that if I pay attention I can see that I am choosing what thoughts to attach to and what thoughts I let “fly by.” It doesn’t mean I don’t experience the wrath of the tenacious ego or the “self saboteur,” but I recognize that even if I’m experiencing hell on the inside, I don’t have to be expressing it on the outside.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts & experience!
Amber
http://eatingforevolution.wordpress.com/
"I Need To:"
I love the writing on your blog, it's beautiful, and about so much more than diet.
I think you really hit on it at the end of the post. I recently realized that "I need to..." is an automatic refrain that runs through my head all day long. As in, "I need to exercise. I need to make dinner. I need to walk the dogs." Framing it in terms of "have to," and making it about pressure, instead of desire, just makes it stressful and something to avoid. So this year, I've decided to try replacing more "I need to's" with "I wanna's!". Try it, it works!
R.
http://serialreinvention.com