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In Need of Support

What is it about asking for support that can feel so challenging? Many of us grew up with the notion that asking for support signifies weakness. Whether we got that from our parents or generally from a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency I’m not sure. I got curious though this week about our relationship to being supported, as this has been a recent theme in the current 9 week course I’m teaching. I was so proud of one participant this week who decided to send me a text message saying she was looking for some support that evening around food. I called her back, we had a brief chat about what was going on and in speaking she deepened her clarity of purpose and connection to what she wanted. And so the inspiration for this post…

 
I decided to look up “support” in the dictionary as I often do when I’m curious about a word or concept. There were many definitions, some of which fit the common notion that something in need of support is something unstable and at risk of falling, but there were other definitions I found that excited me.
 
To support means to:
 
  • be in favor of something
  • be present and give encouragement
  • corroborate a story
  • enable something to live
 
When we reach out for support we are asking for others to stand with us “in favor of something” we dare to say matters. It seems to me that rather than this act signifying weakness, it more accurately signifies tremendous strength and courage. Think about it. When we need support is when we are actually being so bold as to challenge ourselves to grow beyond the same old, out of our comfort zones and past our current edges and limitations. You’ve spent a lifetime eating late at night, or multiple servings, or sugary snacks and you want to practice living differently. This is powerful, bold and courageous! What a gift to give someone the opportunity to “support” you, as in to “enable this new life expression to live” by “being present and giving encouragement”. This is about being “in favor of something” you desire and “corroborating the new story you are authoring”. Where is the shame in that? Beyond no shame, it is proud worthy to share with the people in your life that you are up to brave new things and the creation of something different for yourself.
 
This creation and change making can definitely come with an experience of uncertainty. Breaking old patterns and habits with food, calls for exercising new muscles, which can feel shaky at first. Just as our physical muscles shake and quiver when we work them, so too our mental and emotional muscles get a workout when we make changes in our diets and lives. But don’t mistake the need for support during these times of shakiness as a sign of weakness.  It makes me think of being in yoga class as I’m working on a new pose and needing support from the instructor to help me get it. It is an essential part of the learning process; a sign of my determination and growing strength and power, not weakness. What new “poses” are you trying these days? What kind of support do you desire? I hope this encourages you to reach out and ask for it.
 

 

beautiful

Submitted by Visitor on Wed, 01/13/2010 - 01:10.

I love what you are doing here... what you are sharing and how you are helping so many people to transform. You are a major source of support! I am teaching a workshop in a few weeks on Eating as a Spiritual practice, and I will be gleaning some gems from your workbook to help round out the information.
sending love
aviva