Pray that the Road is Long
We tell folks who come to us desperate to lose weight, that the thought that you will be happy once you lose weight, it’s simply not true. I was the most anxious and discouraged when I was at my lightest in my early 20s than at any other time in my life. I was not “naturally” skinny then, I gave nearly every ounce of myself to that very cause in fact.
What if instead of saying, “I want to lose weight” we said, “I want to love myself and my body, I want to make peace with food, and I want this gentle journey to last a lifetime.” In the latter example you can begin now. You need not wait for numbers to change to know you are on your path. The goal becomes one that is attainable today, and it is a goal that you may never want to expire. There is no pain in this goal, quite the contrary.
I embarked on a scary change almost 2 weeks ago when I started the 2 Week Sugar Challenge. It was scary because I was willingly letting go of my biggest escape. Sugar and/or wine have greeted me at the end of each day for almost 3 years and have been the remedy that I used to temper the load from being a new mom and owning a business and being stressed about money and just having at a lot on my plate. The wine went nearly 5 months ago when I became pregnant again. I clung to the sugar for a bit longer.
For me the 2 Week Sugar Challenge is winding down, with only 3 days left. Similar to the days leading up to the Challenge I am having some anticipatory emotions. Before the Challenge began I noticed feeling sad for my loss – I was going to miss my loyal friends, the ice cream each night as I closed the lap top, the afternoon candy break after cleaning the bathroom, etc (See Mourning Sugar). And now, nearing the end of the 2 Week commitment I am feeling some combination of fear and disappointment.
I have noticed certain behaviors that make me realize my work here is not done yet. I reserved a slice of birthday cake from earlier in the week and stored it away in the fridge for Sat night, for example. When I think ahead to what would happen after letting go of this commitment, when I am really honest with myself, what I see happening is that I will slip back into using sugar to “treat” myself. I will likely do it less, I may have a greater awareness of it when I am doing it, but I will do it.
My work here is not done. I am going to keep the sugar out for a while longer. After a few moments of pouting I actually feel fortunate for more time away from my vices. This process has imparted gifts, like more clarity, a greater sense of integrity, and the permission to really take care of myself. Why would I want to stop?
